A White Girl in Hong Kong

The issue of race and dating is a really common topic of conversation amongst my friends here, foreign and Chinese both. From what I've gather, Western girls are at the bottom of the dating totem pole in Hong Kong. It is super rare to see a couple consisting of an Asian male and a white girl, normally it's the other way around (of course there are exceptions). Why is that? I'm going to try to explore the phenomenon that is the 'white dude Asian girl' couple.

I can't count the number of times I've heard that white girls can't compete with Asian girls, because Asian girls are just better. That is such bullshit! It's just that the white guys THINK Asian girls are better. So what's with this 'white guy Asian girl' thing? Why is it even a thing? I think it ultimately comes down to two factors:

1. Racist ideas of what Asian girls are going to be like. There is a mindset that an Asian girlfriend will be more submissive, quiet, loyal, and cutesy. My therapist and I talked about this and she said it's actually a huge problem here- a lot of her white male clients end up in therapy because they thought they married a subservient little Asian girl and can't handle it once she ends up being a full blown personality with her own opinions and desires. Maybe white girls seem more loud, independent, and bossy, but that's probably true of all of Western culture. Asian culture may seem more polite, considerate, and reserved, but that doesn't mean an Asian person isn't an individual with wants and needs.

2. There are more Asian girls. Duh, we are in Hong Kong. Chances are that white dudes and Asian dudes are going to be surrounded by more Asian girls every day.

The reality of the situation is that there are more women than men in Hong Kong. There are 876 men for every 1,000 women!! And truthfully, Hong Kong Chinese women are pretty badass. There are a lot of fiercely independent women with powerful jobs and it is actually affecting the demography of Hong Kong. So many women are career oriented, that birth rates have dropped and Hong Kong has an ageing population. Even the wikipedia article called 'Women in Hong Kong' talks about how Hong Kong women are known for being prominent superwomen.

Another thing I've often heard is white girls complaining is 'I can't compete with that! Asian girls are so petite and beautiful and well put together.' I'd argue that Asian girls' looks have nothing to do with race, but the fact that we live in a big fucking wealthy city. New York City and Buenos Aires are also full of beautiful, fit, high-achieving people, because they are cosmopolitan metropolises, not because of any race living there. The white girls in Hong Kong are incredibly beautiful as well.

An awesome video flipping the Asian girl fetish 
to show a white dude fetish

So, how has this all affected me? In my personal experience, it is harder to date in Hong Kong as a white girl. For a lot of girls, it ultimately means lowering your standards and maybe suffering a confidence crisis. I've been more open-minded about who I date here, and maybe even a little less selective (although that's probably just what happens after living abroad and being exposed to different sorts of people). As a forward and confident lady, whenever I've been rejected I normally shrug it off. I used to genuinely wonder after rejection, 'Why wouldn't he be into me?!' whereas here in Hong Kong, I find myself thinking sometimes, 'Why would he be into me?!'

This is not ok!!! I'm normally self-assured and I know that for the right type of guy who gets my geekiness and maybe wants someone a bit more alternative (pixie cut, tattoos, piercings, curses like a sailor), and doesn't only want to date a twiggy waif, I am a fucking catch. Thinking any guy is out of my league is extremely out of character for me. But after hearing my white male friends talking about how 'yellow is better' constantly and having my Asian girlfriends say they would never want to be a white girl in Hong Kong and being surrounded by dozens of 'white guy Asian girl' couples in the streets, every once in awhile, it creeps in and chips away at my self esteem. But then I remember how unique I am and how comfortable I am in my own skin and how much I love my life here, and I don't waste any more time feeling bad.

In the end, no one is better or worse to date because of their race. They might be more compatible because of their culture, they might have certain physical characteristics you are more attracted to, but they are still an individual who deserves to be appreciated for exactly who they are.


  1. It's rough out there. In HK I sometimes felt asexual because of the lack of male attention I was getting! But it sounds like you're keeping a good perspective, which is so hard to do. It IS a strange phenomenon. Maybe we should do guest posts on each other's blogs about this? Or dating in different places in general?

  2. I am a Hong Kong born Chinese man and I have to say that if H.K. Chinese men don't view white girls favorably for dating, then they are losing out as I am the opposite. I absolutely adore those white women. I hereby declare my love of Western white women. I think that they super hot and sexy. My problem is that I don't know where to get one in H.K.


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